Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
