dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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