I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
