How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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