I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
