so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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