I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
