Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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