OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
