are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
