The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think my vagina is haunted
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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