We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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