For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
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Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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