He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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