my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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