they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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