come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I love having hate sex.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
