Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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