Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's always time for handjobs
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
