Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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