My first STD was from a foam party
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.