He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
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Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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