Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.