I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment