My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.