Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
