Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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