Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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