i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize