did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's like God shit irony all over that family
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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