I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
