I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
