My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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