I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
