Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
