i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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