That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I met the friendliest cop last night
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
