i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
