I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
