i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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