I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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