At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
