We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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