I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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