this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
