Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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