Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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