dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
