piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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