he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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