remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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