Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
