If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
