ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
