Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
