I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
