i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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