I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
