She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
