I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
