Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
