Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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