Me too!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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