there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
