Betty ford says i'm here all night
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
