HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I die, sorry about rent.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
