Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
