sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
