im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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