So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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