I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
