dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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